My Eyes Are Bigger Than My Mouth

buffalo wingsMy favorite thing about the Super Bowl besides the actual game is being able to pig out without any judgement. It doesn’t matter if you scarf down a whole bucket of fried chicken using a liter of Dr. Pepper as mouth wash because the person next to you is probably doing the same thing. It’s one of the best days of the years as everyone relaxes and enjoys each other’s company with beer, food, and the pigskin being tossed around on the television. But before the kickoff, your body shuts down and it feels like you hit a wall. You just finished the tray of appetizers but your stomach is throwing in the towel before the best food dishes even come out. The only setback of having all these delicious meals to gobble up on the most sacred days of sports is people usually eat with their eyes and not their mouth.

Worried about having enough food to eat, I decided to make sure I thoroughly was ready to filly myself with snacks and appetizers for the entirety of the pre game, actual game, half-time show, and post game. I called up the local Hooter’s and placed a mild order for twenty pieces of original, buffalo wings. I may have been going big for this epic chow down, but I wasn’t stupid enough to fill my whole  Super Bowl diet with just wings. I needed a variety of subsistence to make this marathon of eating memorable.

I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant to find myself looking at a line wrapped around the building. Not only was this delay in my mealtime unexpected, but the freezing temperature and ice cold wind would surely make this wait feel like some sort of torture. I headed to the back of the line as I pulled my arms close to my body to keep warm. I could already notice the aggravation on some people’s face, while others exclaimed the amount of time they have been in line for like it was contest to see who has been waiting the longest. The line honestly wasn’t that bad and moved pretty quickly. I found it hilarious to see people carrying boxes and boxes of wings as the sauce dripped onto the asphalt. One lady even had two employees haul out the five boxes of wings she had ordered. I haven’t even seen that many wings in the actual Hooter’s at once, let alone being carried into one person’s car.

One of the classic Super Bowl snacks...pigs in a blanket.

One of the classic Super Bowl snacks…pigs in a blanket.

I finally made my way to the front of the line to see an assembly line of wings being packed and given out that would have made Henry Ford proud. I got my order and was ready to race off to my next food destination. I met my girlfriend at the grocery store, which I was surprised to see was a lot less hectic than Hooter’s. She already had the shopping cart filled with three bags of chips, different dips, and cold cuts from the deli. I soon burst out into a nervous panic that this wouldn’t be enough to occupy me for the whole game. I rushed her around shoving every frozen food appetizer I could find from baby hotdogs to lasagna. After filling the whole cart and even the bottom part under the carriage, I was happy and ready to begin my Super Bowl day.

As I was snacking on some cold cuts and cheese, all the frozen appetizers I had just bought were heating up in the oven and microwave. I couldn’t wait to be watching the game as I savored some nachos and drank a cold glass of soda. The biggest problem would be what order I eat everything in. The kickoff was just about to start when the timers went off. My girlfriend and I laid out everything we had just bought on the table. I didn’t know what to choose so I just shoveled a bunch of everything onto a plate. I plopped down on the couch and  was all set. Everything was in place and ready to be consumed. Just as I was about to bite into a delicious potato skin, something struck me. I couldn’t find the strength to finally enjoy the food I had been craving all day. I didn’t know what it was until my stomach felt like it just did a backflip. I was totally full and there was no way I could keep going on. I started having pains and knew this was it. I put my plate down in defeat and assumed the fetal position on the couch.

Maybe it was all too much for me to handle. I had set my hopes too high just to see them crash before me. The probable answer was I had just consumed close to four pounds of cold cuts along with a bowl of chips and a veggie platter. Instead of piling food into my mouth for the next four hours, I was stuck with my girlfriend rubbing my stomach as I cringed in pain. All of these snacks we had just bought now are sitting in the fridge wrapped in tinfoil. Unfortunately, I must accept my fate as I  eat all these left overs like a normal person pacing myself throughout the week.

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