Tag Archives: Journal

Late Night Post

Tonight I’m posting a little late. I had a pretty hectic past couple of days. I got an offer to do a job so I have been focusing on that for now. I have been feeling like I am running out of good ideas to write about. I really find it awesome that some people can write full blog posts with thousand words everyday about a new topic. I’m going to try to refocus my attention on my blog more after I get adjusted to this schedule. I have to say I am disappointed in myself because I haven’t been hitting the gym like I planned I was going to. I guess every once in awhile I am going to fall down but I need to pull myself back up. I think of the best things to do is to revaluate situations and see where I need to put more time and effort. Tomorrow, I will look at my situation and try to come up with a new game plan. If anyone has any suggestions or tips with blogging, working out, or even life in general don’t feel shy to comment.

The Roads of Life

I never really expected myself here at this point in my life. I always had this picture of what I’d be like when I got older. I would be off at some amazing school somewhere with a great group of friends and a handful of opportunities knocking at the door. I never gave much though about everything else because up to a certain point, my journey was smooth sailing. I had hit cruise control and was just enjoying the scenic views. Unfortunately, the road got a little bumpy. When I tried taking control, I realized my brakes were out and swerved off my preplanned destination. Now it seems like I am deserted on the side of an unused road just waiting for help.

Now that I’m twenty-one years old, I am not in school and have no idea what I want out of life. The one thing I was passionate about was wrestling but my days of competing are long over. A torn meniscus in my knee and a blown out shoulder really crippled my career. I still find myself going to matches and being involved in the sport as a fan. I’d love to help out and coach on the side, but I don’t know if I could ever see myself doing that as a career.

Another thing I have found myself doing more often is watching vlogs on Youtube. Usually it is couples that film themselves everyday and put it out for the world to see. They always seem to be having fun and doing cool, quirky things. I could watch them just shopping at a grocery store and won’t find myself being bored. If there is one thing I could do, it would be able to film myself and put it on Youtube. I’d love to try different, crazy things and share my life experiences with the internet. I have a lot of ideas for funny videos and it’d be awesome to collaborate with other Youtubers. I think the past part would be able to capture my life for everyday and always have that memory to look back on. That is probably one of the most rewarding parts of doing it besides sharing your crazy journey of a life for others.

Even people who seem to have it all probably feel a bit lost in life sometimes. If you are feeling this way, it is most likely other people have dealt with it as well. While I am still on the side of the road waiting for some assistance, it is nice to have some time to think about where I am going.

End of the Weekend

Nothing much really happened today. I woke up pretty late this morning. Last night, I went to see ten p.m. showing of the movie Safe Haven. It was good, but not anything up to the quality of work Nick Sparks has put out in the past. I will say the ending of the movie totally shocked me to the point all the hairs on the back of my head stood up. Besides that, it has been pretty much a boring day in my life.

I guess Sundays are really the finish line of the week or the home stretch. You finally get a chance to relax after a long week, and then Sunday hits. It is still part of the weekend, but it has that bittersweet feeling. You want to soak up every last bit of fun the weekend has, but you feel the reality of the week starting to creep in.

I hated it, especially in high school. It would be Sunday, but I’d find myself working harder on this day than school days during the week. Cramming everything in and trying to get ready for Monday. I think Monday gets a bad rep from the following Sunday.

Anyway, I am going to milk every last second of this weekend. I am going to sit in my bed and just relax. Probably watch some television and then pass out. And then the monotony of the week starts all over again.

One Is The Loneliest Number

Last night, I wanted to go to one of the wrestling matches for the team state championships. I haven’t gone to any this season and knew there were going to be some really good ones this year. However, I was put in an awkward predicament. I knew where I wanted to go, but I had no one to go with. All of my wrestling buddies were at college so there was no way they were making the trip back to see a high school match. I had to make the decision whether or not I would stay home or go alone.

I started wondering to myself if it was weird to go to places alone where most people attend with family, friends, or even loved ones. This not only has happened to me last night, but has been a dilemma for some other situations. Going to the movies, going to dinner, and even shopping are things I might not have people to always go with. I hate going to a diner and sitting down at a booth alone as I look around and see friends laughing with each other and couples snuggling up next to each other. The worst is when the waiter takes the place mat away in front of you as if to broadcast to others that you are alone. At least at the movies, it is dark enough where you can sit alone and no one can really see you. It’s only bad if the theatre is packed and you are sitting in that awkward place situated in-between two couples. Not only is it horrible when they stare and judge all the food you are consuming for one, but then its just uncomfortable if you look around as the couples are holding each other and making out. So what are people going to think when I’m sitting alone in the bleachers while they are all talking with families and friends.

Fortunately, one of my friends was home and called me to go with him. It was one of the most intense matches I have ever been to as the gymnasium was packed to the brim with screaming parents and a chanting student section. People were pulled out by cops and the athletes actually really put it all on the line with their rivals. As I was sitting there, I was thinking that I still would have enjoyed the match just as much by myself. Yeah, I wouldnt have had someone to talk to during the matches and drive there with, but the actually match still would have been exciting and entertaining. And all this stuff I made up about people staring and judging me was probably just something I have made up in my head. If there is no one around and you really want to go somewhere, you should just go and enjoy it. In the end you’re not going to have someone around you all the time to do regular stuff. So why should it stop you from doing something you really enjoy and like.

I Just Don’t Care

There used to be a time in my life when everything going on would constantly be floating around in my mind. A minute wouldn’t go by were I’d be panicking about my next test, my plans for that weekend, or if I’ll make weight for my wresting match. If one little thing didn’t go the way I wanted it to, I would be totally thrown off and quickly go into crisis mode. This way of living definitely aged me a good few years. So I recently decided that I just don’t care anymore.

Now, I’m not saying sit in your room and do nothing with your life. That is not the message I am giving. I am saying put everything you have into something you care about. Don’t settle until you are a hundred percent confident in what you have done. If you do that, then you won’t be worrying about what will happen. You won’t be staying up until the middle of the night tossing and turning hoping you studied another for your test. All you have to do is give it everything you have, and whatever will happen will happen. The cards will fold the way they are supposed to be. This is how I will live my life now. I am not going to worry and panic about the minor things. I am not going to care about that kind of thinking. I am going to do everything I possibly can to do what I want. And however it plays out, is how it is meant to be. All I know is I did everything I could and that’s all I care about.

In A Relationship With My Cellphone

Ever since cellphones became popular, it was really hard to be without your own for a long period of time. It almost became part of you and was attached to your hand. I’ve seen some people whip out their cell faster than gunslingers can fire a colt .45 in the Wild West. No matter what was happening, you always had to have you cellphone near by in case of an incoming text message or call. Schools try and punish students for texting in class but that still doesn’t deter them from bringing it with them for every subject, let alone try to sneak a couple messages in the middle of a lecture. I also can be accused of doing this. I know this may be odd, but I almost break out in a mini panic whenever I don’t know where my cellphone is. It really is like the ultimate accessory that every person has. But the funny thing is only our generation is used to having cellphones for their whole life. Our parents didn’t grow up with this luxury, and our behavior with our cellular devices confuses them.

Imagine having to share a phone with everybody else in your house. Even though landlines could be connected to rooms, most houses only had one number that parents and children could use. This means you may have to wait to make a call. There wasn’t much privacy as people could actually pick up the call on another line and listen in. The big problem was all your calls pretty much had to be made at the house, there wasn’t a handheld device to answer a friend or tell them where to meet up. They actually had to use public telephones that you paid with coins, which are now all extinct. Oh, did I forget to mention there wasn’t any texting back then either?!

Yes, you had to actually express your thoughts and feelings vocally over a phone instead of typing abbreviated words with smiley faces. That would be awful for that awkward moment when your first try talking to someone or have to give news that your friend won’t be happy to hear. And what about if you are in a relationship? This means you need to be near your house phone all the time to make sure you answer your girlfriend’s call. There wasn’t any simple texting to show her you are always paying attention to her and waiting to her talk to her. You needed to be a hundred percent attentive and stay on the line in your house. Just imagine if you missed one call. I know some girls that will have a stroke if their boyfriend doesn’t respond in a timely fashion to a text, especially when they send about twenty messages in a row asking where they are.

Cellphones should be considered one of the greatest inventions in the history of mankind. Not only did they revolutionize the world, but they may have saved plenty of relationships as well.

Movie Review: Side Effects

Reluctantly, my girlfriend dragged me to go see the new Channing Tatum movie Side Effects┬álast night. I saw the preview a bunch of times and wasn’t that impressed. It just seemed like an uneventful, suspense drama about a girl with psychological problems that no one could explain. I didn’t know who the leading actress was, but I noticed that the preview showed flickers of another famous actor Jude Law as the doctor. Besides his role in Sherlock Holmes, I can’t remember the last time he was ever in a movie. I guess the big draw for this motion picture was the presence of Tatum.

As the open credits began to roll, I noticed that this was directed by Stephen Soderbergh. I really didn’t know the movies he has done before, but his name rang a bell and gave me a bit of excitement. The first few minutes were pretty slow, but I was already getting drawn in by the love relationship between Channing and his wife Rooney Mara. It started to pick up soon after, and I have to say I was on the edge of my seat for the entire time.

I don’t want to ruin the movie for anyone, so I won’t give away any spoilers. I loved the way this movie was shot and have never seen it done like this before. Everything was so clear that you could actually see every detail in the actors’ faces. It wasn’t shot from a far away angle, but instead up close as if you were actually there. It even felt like you were inside this girl’s head and battling all the problems she was going through. The acting was superb and nice to see Tatum in a serious film, since I’m still catching my breath from laughing so hard watching 21 Jumpstreet. Another surprise was seeing Catherine Zeta Jones in this film. Maybe I’m too young, but I don’t remember ever seeing her act except for in the T-Mobile commercials. She nailed her role and put on an amazing performance. However, the breakthrough star of the movie had to be Jude Law. I never really was a fan of his earlier work, but this has now made me be on the look out for his next roles. Maybe it was his British accent or his facial gestures, but I just loved his acting as the shrink. He carried around a very professional demeanor, but then you get to know him personally and see his true self shine through. I hope to see him play more roles like this in the future.

Side Effects should be on everybody’s must see list for 2013. Not only was it shot beautifully, but all the actors were excellent. They made you really connect to not only the storyline but the people they were portraying. I actually believed Jude Law was a practicing psychiatrist and not some famous actor. If you have a feeling of what this movie will be like, trust me that you are wrong. This suspense has so many twists and turns that you will not be able to keep your eyes off the screen until it is over.

Failure Isn’t the End of the World

I hate hearing the phrase “If you come in second, than you’re just the first loser”. Athletes are always pushing themselves to get to their ultimate goal. Obviously they don’t train with the intention of finishing behind other people, but in any sport or contest there’s someone that falls short. There are people that put their blood, sweat, and tears into their passion. This can be the football player that wakes up at five in the morning with barely any sleep to go for a run or the guitarist strumming for hours even if his fingers are bleeding. But if they don’t win that championship ring or succeed, than all that hard work wasn’t worth it. I used to have that mindset for a big part of my wrestling career. I would get so upset when I lost a match that it would deter me from putting in that much effort with my training. I didn’t want that feeling of defeat after I probably put in as much time or more in my workouts and lifts as the kid as I was wrestling. This way of thinking really crippled my potential. I was so scared of losing that I couldn’t even focus during my match. It felt like I was about to have a heart attack before the ref even blew this whistle. This problem wasn’t getting any better until something happened before one the biggest matches I had ever wrestled.

It was my junior year and I had just made my way to the finals of the county tournament. It may not be a huge deal to some people, but one of my biggest goals for the year was to win this event. Growing up with all these kids, it would be amazing to be crowned champion and be known as the best in your area. I was wrestling a good tournament, but I wasn’t used to the pressure and intensity of the finals. There is only one mat in an enormous gymnasium crammed with screaming fans. All the lights are shut off in the building except the lone spotlight shining on the mat. That means every single person is focused on you. There isn’t another teammate to rely on like in other sports. It is just you out there. If you make one mistake, it won’t go unnoticed. The nerves began to kick in, and I could feel all the intensity get to me.

I was doing my usual routine to warm up before my match. I’d stretch out and just pace back and forth thinking to myself. About three matches before I was going to step out on the mat, my assistant coach pulled me over to the side. He asked me how I was doing and I just shrugged saying I’m fine. He could see right through my guard and noticed I was nervous. The next thing he said to me I’ll remember for the rest of my life. He told me about what his dad said to him before he wrestled in his county finals match. Don’t worry about if you win or lose. Don’t think about how people will react if you do this or don’t hit that move. Just go out there and leave it all on the mat. It was like a light bulb just went off in my head. I suddenly didn’t have the prematch jitters I could barely shake off. I actually felt excited to go out there and wrestle. I stepped out on the mat and my whole style changed. I didn’t hear any fans blowing their lungs out cheering. I didn’t think about what will happen after the match if I lose. I didn’t even see my opponent. I was going to wrestle my match and leave everything I had out there. If I wrestled like this, I would have nothing to second guess later on. This new found mindset propelled me to win my first county championship. All the five o’clock runs in the mornings and sacrifices finally paid off. I was overwhelmed by so much joy and happiness that the only thing I could do was cry. I left it all out there on the mat and no one could say anything about it.

I haven’t ever thanked that coach for the little bit of advice he gave me, but that one speech probably changed not only my wrestling career around but my life as well. I was so caught up in the cat and mouse game of life that I never let myself go. It felt like my whole existence was measured by the amounts of wins and defeats I had. This stopped me from really going after what I wanted with a clear mind. After that speech, I could finally be in the moment and focus all my attention on what I was doing. From friendships to school and especially wrestling, this outlook on life gave me a whole new perspective on everything. And I did lose after my victory at counties. But this time I didn’t storm off the mat upset. I actually had no regrets because I knew I gave everything I had in all my matches and shouldn’t be disappointed. I began to learn more from my losses and it helped me become a better wrestler and person. Life shouldn’t be a tally board or record, it is a journey that should be experienced in the moment. Sometimes you just need to let go and everything else will fall into place.

First Day Back at Gym…Ouch

I posted yesterday’s blog entry “15 Tips” because I couldn’t believe the outrageous fees that gyms try to scam people into signing up for. The employees are possibly even worse than car salesman by pressuring you into deals that you can feel in the pit of your stomach is wrong. They try to persuade you with all their fancy gimmicks, state of the art facility, and classes that you will never attend. Luckily, I was able to find a gym that was the perfect fit for me. There weren’t any NFL regulation football fields or tennis courts built to the exact specifications of Wimbledon. It is a simple, no-nonsense gym with all the equipment I need to get back into shape. Unfortunately, my success in finding a gym didn’t take away from the pains and aches of lifting for the first time again.

After a quick, ten minute jog on treadmill, the adrenaline rush began to kick in and I felt like Superman. I puffed my chest out and was ready to lift a eighteen wheeler if I had to. I sat down on the lat pull down machine and busted out a set of twelve. I got up and began to strut around feeling good. My muscles were pumped and I felt that amazing sensation of blood rushing through my body. Even though there was no one else in the gym, I had to parade around as if I just went twelve rounds with Apollo Creed. I sat back down on the lat pulldown machine and busted out a set of ten on a heavier weight. I got back up to do my march of victory but it wasn’t as sweet as the one before. The adrenaline rush now faded and I began to feel the downfall of getting back in the gym for the first time. My head was lightheaded and those muscles that were filled with adrenaline now began to feel the aches of being out of shape. This is what Rocky must have felt like after the first time he fought the World Champ.

I finished my back exercise and continued with biceps and triceps for the rest of the day. I probably drank three bottles of water as I huffed and puffed like I just finished a pack of cigarettes. I battled through all the aches and pains to finish my workout. It wasn’t enough that my biceps were so worn out I couldn’t extend them down, but my lightheadedness now turned to nausea. Every time I lift for the first time, I usually throw up from pushing myself too hard. This is one of my biggest fears lifting, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself at the new gym (even though there wasn’t anybody there at this time). I decided to take it easy so I wouldn’t end up tossing up my breakfast. I finished with a light, thirty minute jog as I barely got through my first day back to the gym.

Now that it’s morning after, I felt like a truck had just run me over. Even muscles I didn’t workout the day before are aching. After a few minutes of getting out of my bed, I am slowly walking off the soreness. This is just one of the drawbacks of getting back in shape, but I still could not be more excited to go today and lift again. I’m nowhere near my high school days being a wrestler with one percent body fat that could throw around weights all day and not be tired, but I still have that determination and passion when it comes to going into a gym and blasting out a lift. Those day of being an athlete are behind me, so it’s now time to open a new chapter of my life with exercise.

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