Tag Archives: mental-health

I Just Don’t Care

There used to be a time in my life when everything going on would constantly be floating around in my mind. A minute wouldn’t go by were I’d be panicking about my next test, my plans for that weekend, or if I’ll make weight for my wresting match. If one little thing didn’t go the way I wanted it to, I would be totally thrown off and quickly go into crisis mode. This way of living definitely aged me a good few years. So I recently decided that I just don’t care anymore.

Now, I’m not saying sit in your room and do nothing with your life. That is not the message I am giving. I am saying put everything you have into something you care about. Don’t settle until you are a hundred percent confident in what you have done. If you do that, then you won’t be worrying about what will happen. You won’t be staying up until the middle of the night tossing and turning hoping you studied another for your test. All you have to do is give it everything you have, and whatever will happen will happen. The cards will fold the way they are supposed to be. This is how I will live my life now. I am not going to worry and panic about the minor things. I am not going to care about that kind of thinking. I am going to do everything I possibly can to do what I want. And however it plays out, is how it is meant to be. All I know is I did everything I could and that’s all I care about.

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Insomnia Is My Best Friend

I have the worst luck when it comes to sleeping. I toss and turn in my bed all night just hoping when I open my eyes it’ll be morning. Instead, I look at my clock to find only two minutes have clicked away. I have tried everything from drinking warm milk to counting sheep. But nothing seems to help. I have been battling with this problem for most of my life. My days are just filled with tiredness and anticipation to come home and pass out. The earliest memory of this problem is most likely junior high. I was the biggest nerd when it come to school. I’d stay up all night just memorizing every line in my text book to the point I could recite every word. I’d do great on my test, but I would find myself passing out right when I got home. This set up a horrible sleep pattern for me where I would stay up the rest of the night after my nap, and then be tired throughout my whole day. It was destroying me and even crippling my ability to stay focus and interact with people.

Fast forward to now and I am still having this problem. I can’t force myself to sleep at the right times so I find myself awake until bout five in the morning. To get back on a regular sleeping pattern, I need to make myself stay awake that whole day without sleep. Usually, this is unsuccessful  and I pass out at some irregular time. I feel like insomnia is a huge problem in the world and we don’t have the answers to help correct it. It’d just be easier if our bodies didn’t need sleep and we could be active all day long.

Had a Bad Day

I always want to have the best day I could have every time I wake up. I hope to accomplish something during the next twenty four hours or maybe an unexpected surprise will happen. Unfortunately, reality sets in and somedays will be just boring and monotonous. And other days will be hard to get through because of obstacles and unexpected misfortunes. Everybody is bound to have a bad day once in awhile. I guess yesterday was mine.

Just waking up, I knew it wasn’t my kind of morning. I went to the gym right away and my leg cramped up in within the ten minutes on the treadmill. I decided to skip cardio and just focused on lifting. However, I just felt off like my whole routine was screwed up. I pushed myself through and frustratingly finished my workout. On my way back from the gym, I needed to refill my car’s tank. I couldn’t pull into any gas stations as they were packed around the block. It seemed like hurricane Sandy all over again as people carried five gasoline jugs in both hands. I had to drive about twenty minutes from my house before I could find a vacant pump. After this ordeal, I managed to get home, shower up, and take care of some errands. It was one of those days I couldn’t wait to pass out in my bed.

While yesterday was awful, not everyday is like this. It’s obvious that good days will certainly outweigh all the bad ones. Despite all my problems , I was able to get a good workout in today and now can relax as I am snowed in. Despite being trapped inside my house, I always enjoy some good rest and recuperation from the daily grind. Other people find it so overwhelming when they have a bad day. They just want to throw in the towel or whine and complain. I can barely go on Facebook anymore with all the annoying statuses about how awful their life is. My favorite is when people post about why they have to deal with  so many  unimportant problems. I hate to break it to you, but there are others in this world who have it a lot less wonderful than you do. Yes, people always take things for granted as they become accustomed to them. But just take a second to think and you will realize how good you have it compared to others. And most of these problems you make seem so dramatic with long tweets and cries for attention will probably be forgotten in the next week. If you have an issue with something or want a change in your life, you need to make it happen. If you want something bad enough, you will do everything you can to make accomplish it.

One of my other favorite statuses is how bored people are. I’m pretty sure no one else really wants to read your twenty posts about how lame your town is or begging people to hit you up with your desperate attempts at attention. I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve sat in my room doing nothing. It all seems like a blur that has clouded most of my high school days. I have realized that boredom is only your fault. I can’t stand by being idle in my life. If you have absolutely nothing to do, set a goal and accomplish it. Go out for a late night run or gym lift. Finish your homework that will count for half of your yearly grade. Be productive. All of these things will help you later on in life. None of those high school parties or hang outs with friends will truly amount to anything later on. I am not saying that having friends is unimportant, but being productive with your time and accomplishing things will help you on later in life.

Life is going to be boring sometimes. If it was all fun, then how could someone appreciate all the special moments that happen maybe once or twice. Memories like graduation, prom, and passing your driving tests are occasions that will always be cherished. If we had these event happening all the time, than they wouldn’t be called memories. They wouldn’t be as special.

First Week Back in Gym

My arms are killing me even as I type this. I forgot what it was like to get back into the gym for the first time. After the first few days of extreme soreness have worn off, I am finally able to bend my arms down and touch my back. It was excruciating trying to find the motivation to get myself to lift weights as I was still in pain from yesterday’s workout. Even though I should have eased back into exercising, that just isn’t the way I have grown up working out. If I do something, I want to put all my effort into it. If I owned a company and relied on people working for me, I wouldn’t want them to give me less than a hundred percent. And I am the only employee of my life, so  I need to go beyond my expectations and potential. And just like a business, my body felt the aches and pains of starting from the beginning.

My biggest goal is to not only get back to my original form, but to try to get into the best shape of my life. I know it is a long process, even though I am already checking to see if the results are showing. I can definitely feel it in every muscle of my body. The couple of years of goofing around, going on late night fast food runs, and no exercise at all are really showing as I can barely run for thirty minutes. I saw where my body was heading and I knew I had to change my life styles. I even began a new diet and have been eating less portions and more healthy foods. While I barely got through one week, I am happy I successfully pushed myself through it. Not only is it beneficial to my physical health, but I feel much better all around. I feel like I have been given back my energy and drive to go after things. I no longer want to sulk around and wonder why my life is the way it is. I have a schedule and a routine. I am time managing my days and taking the steps in order to achieve my plans for the future. These are some things I could barely do when I was on top of the ball in high school.

As I get ready to go back into the gym for my second week, I have no hesitations to continue to work out hard. I am still battling some aches and the the fatigue my body is feeling from this new routine of exercise, but it is all worth it. I am not looking back towards my past anymore and questioning my decisions. Regret is nothing more than a word to me. No longer will I feel sorry for myself. I am the only one responsible for my life, and will take on every challenge life throws at me in full stride. I am living in the present and feel great about where I am heading.

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